Clearly, guys are using sex toys, as there’s an entire market devoted to sex toys for men: pocket pussies, Fleshlight, penis pumps, prostate massagers, and more. But that doesn’t mean these types of sex toys are as popular as vibrators or dildos are for many women.
A lot can and should be said about why women use sex toys and love them. But today, let’s talk about why more guys should use them, too. Although masturbation has long been considered something “only guys do” (completely untrue), sex toys are rarely a part of the conversation. Here’s why they should be.
We’re starting with the big one. Yes, using sex toys can lead to better sex — with yourself or with a partner, but we know you were thinking about your partner. Using a sex toy, almost by default, requires you to slow down a little — at least in the learning stage. You explore your own body and pleasure, learning what gets you off, and how you can change your orgasm and your pleasure based on how you use your toy.
Over time that can translate into different interactions with your partner. When you slow down for yourself, it’s much easier to slow down with them. When you learn that your body can have different responses, you realize so can their body. A patient lover who wants to learn a partner’s body is often, almost by default, better at sex.
Not all sex ends in orgasms (true story!) and not all orgasms are part of steamy love-making or deep connections. But let’s be honest, orgasms feel pretty freaking good. So consider this big, important reason number two why you should use a sex toy — better orgasms.
With your hand and whatever technique you’ve developed over the years, you know how to get yourself off without even thinking about it. But sex toys require you to think about it, and they provide completely different sensations. If you’re willing to experiment and play (they’re called toys for a reason), you can learn to delay your orgasm or have multiple orgasms. Either way, you’re having better orgasms.
The default for guys is that “we all masturbate” but it’s also seen as a joke. How many hairy palm jokes have you heard or told? How often does do you hear that someone masturbates because they’re a loser or single? Even if it’s accepted that guys masturbate, there’s also a lot of shame around it.
Masturbation with sex toys feels good — and there’s no shame in that. Plus, masturbation decreases your stress and makes it easier to sleep so it’s actually good for your health, too. Being intentional with your pleasure and using a sex toy can change, over time, how you feel about masturbation. You learn so much about what feels good and what turns you on that pleasure and sex toys begin to feel normal — as they should.
So about that same masturbation technique you’ve used for years we mentioned above. There’s nothing wrong with it, and it’s definitely good for a quick, no-nonsense wank. You need the orgasm and the stress release, so go for it. But there is so much more to your sexual pleasure than you and your hand. Sex toys allow you to explore all parts of your body and different forms of desire, even things you may worry are taboo — like anal play or kink.
For the record, liking butt plugs or prostate massage or anything near your butt doesn’t make you gay. And trying kink doesn’t mean you’re a deviant or a bad person. But in the privacy of your own space — alone or with a partner — sex toys give you the tools to experiment with sensation, pleasure, and how your body responds to different stimulation. This allows you to learn more about yourself, what you like, and what or who you’re into.
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Sexual pleasure, when done in a consensual way, isn’t something to be ashamed of. Addiction to sex, porn, masturbation, and other forms of pleasure isn’t necessarily even real, according to sex experts. So if you worry that trying a sex toy will lead you down a path of uncontrollable behavior, think again.
What the right sex toy can do is open your eyes to new experiences. It can teach you more about your body and what feels good. Even better, it can make you feel confident about your own pleasure and the pleasure you experience with a partner. You’re not weird or a loser for using sex toys, enjoying masturbation, or taking care of your own sexual needs. In fact, you may be healthier than guys who let shame and worry stop them from trying new things.
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