If you’ve been using sex toys for any amount of time, you already know how they make masturbation and solo fun better for you. With the right approach, an open mind, and plenty of communication, sex toys can benefit your relationship in multiple ways, too.
More Sexual Satisfaction
If both partners are getting what they need and want in terms of stimulation, guess who benefits? Both of you! Sex toys add stimulation, power, sensations, and more to the moment, even if only one of you feels the effects of the toy. When you’re done, if you both feel like you had a good time, it’s easy to feel satisfied — and that you’d like to do that again. Instead of sex that feels ho-hum, boring, or tired to one or both of you, you both have something to look forward to in the future. And it’s all thanks to one or more sex toys.
Studies have shown that sex toy use in lesbian and queer couples decreases pain for some people, especially when playing with a vibrator. You don’t have to be lesbian or queer to benefit from sex toys. (The study noted that non-straight relationships were more likely to use sex toys, in general, which contributed to the results.) Whether the decreased pain is due to higher arousal or a more relaxed body during sex, the benefits are obvious. Sex is supposed to feel good and sometimes sex toys are the perfect tool to make that happen.
More Passion and Desire for Each Other
If you’re both more sexually satisfied (see above), it’s much easier to maintain intimacy and passion in your relationship. While sex isn’t typically the only factor in an unhappy relationship, not wanting each other (or feeling like you can’t enjoy sex together) doesn’t help. By incorporating sex toys into your sex life and receiving more pleasure as a result, it’s easier to maintain those positive feelings. Think of it like a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you have sex that satisfies both of you, you’ll want more sex that satisfies both of you. And if sex toys play a part in that satisfaction, keep using them!
More Opportunity for Communication
The first big conversation you need to have about sex toys is whether or not to use them together. This is the hardest part of all because it leaves the partner asking openly for potential judgment or uncomfortable questions. Unfortunately, not everyone is open-minded about sex toys (show them this article and maybe they’ll change their mind). But once you get past that hurdle, using sex toys together keeps the conversation going, which includes everything from a “Does this feel good?” to the more adventurous, “Would you like to try something new?”
Sex Toys Can Be the First Step in Exploration
Once you begin exploring sexual pleasure in new ways — like with a sex toy — it’s easier to keep going. Like the first conversation, once you’ve managed this first step, the world opens up, and you begin to notice other opportunities. You or your partner may also feel more confident sharing sexual fantasies and desires you haven’t before. You’ve already had the first (and most difficult) conversation about using a toy. Now it’s time to open up a bit more and try new things together.
Reducing Performance Anxiety
Both partners can feel performance anxiety. You both want to make sure your partner gets what they want and need, whether it’s a big orgasm or something else. But you might not be certain you’re able to give them what they need. Think of sex toys as a tool. They exist to add stimulation and sensation in a new way to provide more pleasure. When you know it’s the sex toy’s job to make your partner scream with pleasure, it’s easier to stop feeling anxious about your skills in bed.
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Sex should feel good to both of you, and if sex toys help achieve that, there’s no shame in it. Remember, sex toys don’t replace you, they help you. They’re tools of sexual pleasure. If your relationship is important enough to you that you want to improve your sex life, it should be important enough to explore new ways of achieving mutual pleasure. The right sex toy is one way to do that.
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