Learning how to communicate in bed is an art. You want to be gentle enough to avoid hurt feelings, but firm enough to get what you need. If you’re new to sex or simply need a few pointers about how to express yourself between the sheets, follow Jack and Jill’s Dos and Don’ts Guide to Pillow Talk.
Pillow Talk Tips
- Do: Remember there’s a human being behind that beautiful package. If you wouldn’t want to hear your own feedback, it’s likely too harsh for someone else’s ears. Be kind and respectful always.
- Don’t: Neglect to point out your partner’s strengths. Want them to give a better blowjob? Express what feels amazing in the moment and ask them not to stop.
- Do: Experiment with dirty talk! Everyone feels ridiculous at first, but you may find it’s a bigger turn on than you expect and decide to make it a regular thing.
- Don’t: Tell your partner in the moment if you’re having trouble reaching orgasm. Save that for a non-sexual time. Instead, simply switch positions or dial it back to continue with foreplay.
- Do: Ask for feedback yourself! A great way to initiate a tough conversation is to level the playing field. Ask what your partner wants more or less of from you – just be prepared to hear the honest truth!
- Don’t: Be afraid to discuss your fantasies in or outside of the bedroom (the latter is often easiest, believe it or not). Assure your partner their needs are a priority to you and then set the tone by offering to go first.
- Do: Put an immediate stop to things if your partner is crossing boundaries, hurting you or not respecting your limits. It is imperative you communicate in no uncertain terms. Consent is a “Do” 100 percent of the time.
- Don’t: Be shy about establishing safe words. Typical in the BDSM arena, a safe word is a word or phrase spoken aloud to indicate you’d like your partner to slow down or stop altogether. Just because you don’t use whips doesn’t mean a safe word isn’t just as effective for succinct communication in the moment.
- Do: Let your body do the talking! Whether you’re arching your back, grabbing at your partner passionately or thrusting in rhythm, show your enthusiasm through movement.
- Don’t: Overthink it. At the end of the day, it’s just sex. The majority of couples have difficulty communicating. As long as you’re trying to improve the situation with honesty and respect for your partner, you’re far ahead of the rest.