You know what you don’t need any more of when it comes to sex, kink, relationships, or intimacy? Pressure. There’s enough of that from society, friends, family, and maybe even your partner on any number of things in your life. Orgasms should not be a thing anyone feels pressured to achieve, give, or receive.
Orgasms feel good. They’re great to have when you can. But with all the myths we believe about them, orgasms can also be a source of stress. Check out these orgasmic myths we need to get rid of so everyone can get back to what really matters – making each other feel good.
Orgasms are Required
Let’s be honest about a few things. Orgasms feel amazing, and they’re a great way to relieve stress. Most people who get sexual with a partner want an orgasm. But orgasms aren’t a requirement. Consent is a requirement. Pleasure and enjoyment are required. Orgasms, while nice and often wanted, are not. You can get naked with your partner, not have an orgasm, and still consider it time well spent together.
Everyone Gets Off on the Same Thing
When it comes to sex – oral, genital, or other – you might have a preferred technique you use. It worked in the past with other partners, and you feel like you’re good at it. Everyone is unique, and what worked for your past partner may not be right for your current partner. It’s always best to talk to each other about what feels good and what doesn’t, so you give and receive pleasure that works for you and your partner.
Orgasms Should Be the Goal
Just like an orgasm isn’t a requirement during any sexual activity, it shouldn’t always be the goal, either. Coming like a freight train might be what you want, whether you’re masturbating or fucking your partner. But spending time together is a good goal, too. Sexual, sensual, or kinky pleasure are worthy goals. If you orgasm from it, that’s a great bonus. There’s no denying orgasms feel great, but sometimes being intimate with your partner is more than enough.
The Bigger, the Better
Some people think the “right” orgasms are the kind they see in porn. He comes almost as soon as he enters her vagina. She screams and gushes after a few thrusts. Every orgasm is big and explosive. Porn is fantasy and rarely looks anything like real life. Your orgasms may not be the same every time depending on your mood, the stimulation you feel, or how tired or distracted you. Even small, barely there orgasms should count as a good experience.
Women Cuddle, Men Nap
Need a gender stereotype you should love to hate? Try the women like to cuddle/men start snoring after orgasm. It’s laughable for a lot of people. Everyone reacts to orgasms in their own way. Gender has no bearing on whether you need a nap, a cuddle, a snack, or if you’re counting the minutes until you can leave or kick your partner out of bed so you can be alone. Don’t be surprised if your partner doesn’t follow the “rules” of post-orgasmic bliss. Plenty of guys enjoy a cuddle, and plenty of women want to sleep after they come.
Oral Sex Should Always Lead to Orgasms
Oral sex, like any other sexual activity, is really about pleasure. It’s okay to really want your partner to come down your throat or on your body. It’s also okay for oral sex to be just another path to pleasure, too. There’s also nothing wrong with turning your licking, sucking, and tonguing into fucking, fingering, or stroking either. The goal of oral sex – or any other type of sex – should be about the pleasure you experience with your partner.
Multiple Orgasms Have “Rules”
Because people don’t have enough things to worry about when it comes to sex, the multiple orgasm is a conundrum. Plenty of women think they should be able to have more than one and are disappointed when they don’t. At the same time, it’s assumed no man can have multiple orgasms, even if they want one. In reality, everybody is different. Some women can have orgasm after orgasm, while others can’t. While most men have refractory period between ejaculations, orgasms may still be possible, depending on the stimulation you use. Basically, everyone is unique and different, and no one should assume anything about their partner’s orgasms.
Orgasms are amazing. They release endorphins. They relieve anxiety and can help you sleep. You may even live longer if you orgasm regularly. No one is knocking orgasms. But your lack of orgasms or ability to give your partner orgasms might also be a source of stress and tension.
Take the pressure off yourself and your partner. Make pleasure the focus of your sexual activity and let orgasms be a wonderful, delicious, and satisfying bonus.