Not Having Enough Orgasms? Here’s How to Fix It
Orgasms don’t have to be the entire point of a sexual experience, but let’s be honest, they’re pretty great. And when you’re not getting as much as you’d like, it can kind of suck. If you’re ready to have as much sexual pleasure as you can handle, we’ve got tips to help you out.
From using a good sex toy to using your calendar, here’s what you need to know.
Define What “Enough” Means
There’s no minimum (or maximum) standard you have to meet in pleasure. No one will grade you on the number of orgasms you have or keep scare. Decide what you mean when you say you want more or that you’re not having enough. Is it that you want better orgasms? More time for sexual pleasure? Do you want to try to have multiple orgasms? Whatever you decide is fine, but don’t add too much pressure to yourself about an arbitrary number or when it’s supposed to happen. Stress rarely helps you orgasm.
Focus on Quality over Quantity
Sometimes we decide we want more orgasms because the orgasms we’re having are too fast, fleeting, or just not what we’d like. While you’re on the path to more, focus on the quality of the pleasure you feel now. Maybe that means taking your time and slowing down. It might mean adding porn or erotica to turn your mind on while you work on your body. Maybe you bring a sex toy or your partner into the fun to add extra sensation. Whatever you need to have better orgasms could lead to more orgasms, too.
Try a Sex Toy
Okay, all of that sounds great, but what you really want are MORE orgasms. Better would be nice, but you care about the number. If you usually use your hand to get off or orgasm during partnered sex, now might be the time to try a new sex toy. What works for you depends on what sensations you enjoy. If you love clitoral orgasms, a vibrator may be exactly what you need. The Original Magic Wand is known for multiple orgasms, as are products by Womanizer, Satisfyer, and more! If penetration, anal or vaginal, gets you off, consider a dildo or insertable vibrator. Focus on what really gets you off and find a toy that targets that area.
Use Your Hand
Have you been using sex toys for all your orgasms? It might be time to go back to basics and use your hand to increase your orgasm quotient. Yes, they’ll likely take longer to achieve, but sometimes what your body really needs is a different sensation. If you’re a devoted Fleshlight user, lube up your hand instead. For the dildo and vibrator lovers out there, let your fingers control your pleasure for once. It may take a while for your body to catch up to what your hand is doing, but it might also give you something new(ish) to crave.
Give Yourself Time
This can be interpreted in a few ways, but let’s start with this: Make space in your life for more sexual pleasure. If you want more orgasms, you need to give yourself time to experience them. That means more time for masturbation and/or partnered sex. If you only have sex — with yourself or a partner — once a week, increase that to two times a week. If you only get intimate for an hour, try 90 minutes. Plan a lazy weekend in bed with you, your hand, a sex toy, and/or a partner and see what happens. Allow yourself the luxury and freedom to focus on your pleasure.
Because we all lead busy lives, this can sound easier to do than it is. Don’t be afraid to schedule masturbation time or intimacy with your partner. You’re not being cold or clinical — you’re making pleasure a priority. For some of us, if we don’t write it down and put it on a calendar, it won’t happen. That includes the orgasms and sex we want to have.
The worst thing you can do in the quest for more orgasms and more pleasure is stress yourself out about it. You don’t need the added pressure that comes with performance anxiety. Focus on what feels good and how you become aroused. From there, if the orgasms flow, great. But if not, you can still have a good time with yourself or a partner. A lack of orgasm isn’t a fail as long as you enjoyed yourself during the process.