How to Hide Your Sex Toys
Having your sex toys discovered is such a common fear that even major brands are getting in on the action with advertising aimed at reminding you that your kids (or anyone) could find a dildo and wave it around so that the neighbors see it. In a perfect world, no one should be worried about having their sex toy collection discovered or feel ashamed for enjoying sex with toys.
But we don’t live in that world. Even people who are completely unashamed of their love of silicone and batteries don’t always want their sex toys on display for others. Everyone deserves a right to privacy, of course.
If you’re wondering if there’s a better way to hide your favorite dildo, vibrator, or penis ring besides shoving it under your mattress, the answer is yes.
Clean and Store Your Toys Correctly First
Before you find the perfect hiding spot, make sure you clean your toys properly first. You may only need soap and water, or it may need to be sterilized in boiling water or in the dishwasher. After that, use the dust bag or other storage options it came with when you bought it. If your sex toy didn’t come with one, you can buy as many toy bags as you need. Either way, before stashing your toy, clean and cover it first. The bag will keep your favorite sex toy clean so that it’s ready to use when you are.
Note: If your sex toys are made of rubber, jelly, or PVC, do not store it in the same bag as another toy. Keep these separate and in a dry cool place.
Go for the Obvious Hiding Spots
Some people are afraid to hide their toys in the “obvious” spot because they worry their toys will be easier to find. If your kids, family members, roommates, or whomever snoop through your room, that’s a separate conversation. Right now, let’s just find a spot that gets your sex toys out of sight. The obvious places, other than under your mattress or pillow, are drawers — nightstand, dresser, armoire. Anything with a closing drawer is probably a good spot.
The other obvious spot is under the bed. You can put your sex toys in a lockbox, if you really don’t want to worry about people getting into it. Some people use duffel bags, plastic bins (not clear), and even shoeboxes. Whatever you do, don’t place a sex toy directly on your dusty carpet, tile, or hardwood floors. At least put it in a toy bag and, ideally, place it in another container, too.
Choose a More Creative Hiding Spot
If the idea is to make sure there’s no way anyone would suspect that you have sex toys, you might have to get really creative. Anything that has an “inside” to it could potentially be a hiding spot. Think pockets, inside your shoes, old bags, suitcases, purses, anything can hide a sex toy. If you’re feeling desperate (or creative) you can use tubes, hoses, and even vacuum cleaner bags (if anyone even has those anymore).
This solution is usually best when you’re in a hurry to stash your sex toys. Is your Mom about to come over? Stuff that bullet vibrator or masturbator wherever you can. Once everyone leaves, find a more permanent home.
Hide in Plain Sight
If you’re feeling really bold, hide your sex toys in plain sight. Maybe this isn’t a good solution for your textured beige dildo with giant testicles. Unless you’ve finally decided IDGAF — then keep your toy suction-cupped to the shower wall and dare anyone to question you. But if you’re not at that level, and few people are, we’re thinking of the toys that don’t look obvious. This includes pretty glass dildos or plugs in creative shapes (tentacles as art!). Some luxury vibrators aren’t phallic at all and could easily be mistaken for art or some weird collectible you bought.
When you don’t make a big deal about something, most people won’t either. And it’s kind of fun to have someone compliment you on your taste in “art” while they admire your vibrator or dildo.
Your love and enjoyment of your favorite sex toys is perfectly healthy and natural. But it’s okay to prefer that no one in your family or even the maintenance guy fixing your window didn’t know about them. Spend a few minutes cleaning out a drawer or a corner in your closet so you can hide your toys. Just make sure to keep your favorite ones as close as possible so you can use them whenever the urge hits.
Know someone who needs help hiding their sex toys? Share our infographic below!